I don’t often do response posts on purpose. Usually a scheduling quirk just happens to make it so that something I wrote a month ago gets published on the same day as a similar post. It’s bound to happen with so many great minds in such a confined space.
This time however, I am shamelessly uhm.. borrowing an idea from Remy (with his permission – thanks Rem). Some time ago Remy published a top 5 things not to say to an anime girl, a great post you should reread here. For my money, those are just all rational guidelines to refer to for talking to all girls in general. Of course I immediately tried to come up with something equivalent for boys. I know for a fact that I will soon be transported to a magical, wonderful anime world that is going to have both boys and girls, so i need a handy list for both!
After minutes of deep thought, I finally came up with my very own list of things not to say to an anime boy. For those of you still confused (is that all of you?), we’re not talking about a boy who likes anime, but a boy who is a character in anime. Here we go:
5. You’re cute
This applies to real life boys up to a certain point too.
Even though we mean it as a compliment, and have heard it aimed at us (girls) countless times, it seems most anime boys take this as an assault on their manliness. Or else an indication of permanent friendzone. In either case, the poor anime boys in question are more likely to recoil in depression and resentment than thank you for your kind words.
So unless you want to throw a subtle dig at the guy while retaining some plausible deniability, call him cool instead. Everybody wants to be cool. I know I prefer it to being cute for sure.
4. Notice me Senpai
Maybe this was cute and flirty at some point, but now it’s basically shorthand for I love you so much I will keep your skull in my bag at all times and polish it twice a day so it’s all nice and shiny. Wanna meet my parents? Still flirty and all but it’s just a bit… much.
Unless your anime boy happens to be super desperate, he’s probably already trying to call the cops without you noticing. Anime boys are like deer in the wild, they scare easy. You and I both know you would never ever harm him unless he didn’t love you back which is just crazy talk, why wouldn’t he love you back, you love him so much… But for that poor little dear (see what did there, I make so many typos I feel like I have to celebrate when it’s not one) you have to spell everything out.
Maybe just hold back for a bit and whip this baby out on your second date!
3. Any compliment at all
Anime boys have it rough. They simply aren’t use to positive reinforcement. You may think that saying great haircut simply means you like his haircut but you have no way of predicting how it will get interpreted.
Optimists will see that you are clearly paying attention to them and that you like what you see. You’re in love. Maybe they should cut you out of their lives to avoid leading you on. Or maybe they should roll with it. Check out your family situation, make sure it will be a successful marriage… Then again you may just be singling out the hair because everything else is subpar. Hair grows every day, the great haircut is probably already ruined…oh no!!!!
Honestly, just save everyone a lot of trouble. If you feel like complimenting an anime boy, just tell him to try his best. He’ll really appreciate it, trust me.
2. Your First Name
I’ve been on something of a name kick lately.
But honestly, saying your first name. Just like that!?! You guys probably aren’t even married yet! First the compliment now this. You hussy! How is a guy supposed to get comfortable around a woman who can just casually share that kind of info at the drop of a hat. There’s probably dozen of other guys out there who know your name by now. You may even have already told someone else today!
Sheesh, with that type of lack of discipline, we wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some guy out there that knows you *middle* name! Are middle names a thing in Japan? Do they ever mention them at all in anime? I should probably look it up…
I did: no middle names in Japan. They have all those cool alternative ways to spell names using different kanji, so they don’t need them.
1. I’m your little sister!
Thank you folks, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses!
Clearly one of my least substantial lists but this was a ton of fun to put together. Thanks again Remy for letting me steal your idea… inspiring me.
I hope you guys also had fun with this goofy little whatever this is.
This was fun to read. As a guy, I sometimes get easily flustered when a girl compliments me or say anything positive. I usually say thanks, but then I brush it off. Lol
I just have one thing to say to “you’re cute”. In my case, being female, and small of stature – it is often said in reaction to something I have said or done IN ANGER. Worst of all, it is sometimes “You are so cute when you’re mad.”
Just for future reference, not only for me, but I suspect for most small wimmen – “You’re cute when you’re mad” is NOT the response I am looking for. It could, in fact, spark actual physical violence upon your person.
But generally I settle for muttering, “You won’t think I’m so cute when I shove my fist down your throat.” (i tamed that down, I hope you know)
But hey, if I don’t happen to be angry and you say I’m cute, I guess I’d look around to make sure you’re talking to me, then laugh and say thank you. Which I suppose is the appropriate and normal-ish reaction. Right? (I have problems what what is “normal-ish”) LOL
I know you’re pain. I am the exact size of the average 12 year old canadian girl. I looked it up….i get called cute way too much.
As an anime boy myself, I appreciate the incredibly desperate precautions. Take note, kohai crew.
Anything to make you comfortable!
#1… make sure you never say that to Araragi. Just… please. No one wants to get their teeth brushed in that way!
What if a guy tells a woman she’s like his little sister? Or maybe that he’d like her for a little sister? Hmmm… Ah, my little Imōto.
if he wants to teach her to ride a bike then awww – if he wants a date, then run!
“I’m your little sister” – Well I guess it’s time for me to face the real world. it’s been living with my folks, but I have to leave for the greater good! She’s creeping out with her Oni-Chan! If I were in a anime, and someone told me this, well, I would do everything possible to avoid her! It hardly ever turns out well!
“You’re cute” – Whenever I get told this I would be looking around first, and then face the person who told me that. I’ll ask if they meant that to me, and than walk on to whatever I was doing XD. I’m not used to being complimented on my looks so I don’t how to react when I get them.
Be happy! That’s really the best reaction to most things
Now I want the iconic scene of Empire Strikes back re-inacted as a highschool comedy: “You killed my little sister!” – “I AM your little sister!” Cliff-hanger ending until season three.
well clearly I cannot rest until this happens!
Just imagine the potential. “Noooooo! It cannot be! My little sister adores me!!”
mind melting
My first thought when I saw the title: “You look good in that dress.” Because good looking guys in anime have a high chance of ending up in a dress, and most of them aren’t happy about it.
True – That’s an awesome one!
Haha, I love number 1!
Maybe I wrote the whole tin just to get that one cheap joke in…
Is it bad that I do all of these to the male friends I’m close too.
Also lovely post, funny as always. Your posts always makes me smile~
No it’s GREAT!!! What do they say?
6. “You have the spikiest hair. Are you the Protagonist?”. This one is best asked by a tiny loli or short girl for best comedy laughs. Think Popura Chan from Wagnaria, or the tiny Nun from Neighbors Club (Boku Wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai).
LOL. That last one almost made me spit my drink. I wasn’t expecting that at all.
I’ll get you next time!
You’re so funny, Irina! I admit that getting called cute affects my negativity as well.
Why!!!??
Constantly don’t believe it.
You’re wrong though….
Maybe…
Lol: you never fail to make a totally funny post do you?😂😂 Really had to laugh at all of these. Glad you stole the idea erm found inspiration from Remy😂😂😂
Remy is always great for that!
I lol’d@#1 hahaha.
Classic stuff, Irina!
Yes – joke accomplished!!!
> I’m your little sister.
This has zero effect on me because I have two, and while I love em just fine, they can also be Satanspawn.
I have three…
I’m pretty sure you spawn from similar places….
*indignant huff*
I’ll have you know MY Satanspawn urges only pop out like once a weel while watching crap anime.
“You still watch anime? Why don’t you grow up?!” (See these kids I brought with me? They’re my grandkids, thank you! And yes, we’re all happily watching Pom Poko, so go away. . .)
do anime boys watch anime? Animeception!
#1 might in fact be a turn on… Debatable
Yes too much so… …
I have a weird hangup with calling people by their name. Even people I’m super-close to like actual family members. Evidently I’m an awkward anime boy in disguise.
I always suspected as much
The number one reminds me of my pen pal. He’s on a wheelchair because of physical problems, therefore, he’s talking on DM each night. Yet because of his innocence, he always calls me “oni-chan” which I didn’t find it annoying but it’s so weird that he is a male not female. He just watching casual anime and anime that I always recognizing on people on the internet, we’re talking a lot about anime, he gave me a recommendation and vice versa. Maybe, that’s a lot and by the way, interesting post, dude. 😀
It’s adorable when a kuhai calls you oni-chan!