I don’t often do response posts on purpose. Usually a scheduling quirk just happens to make it so that something I wrote a month ago gets published on the same day as a similar post. It’s bound to happen with so many great minds in such a confined space.
This time however, I am shamelessly uhm.. borrowing an idea from Remy (with his permission – thanks Rem). Some time ago Remy published a top 5 things not to say to an anime girl, a great post you should reread here. For my money, those are just all rational guidelines to refer to for talking to all girls in general. Of course I immediately tried to come up with something equivalent for boys. I know for a fact that I will soon be transported to a magical, wonderful anime world that is going to have both boys and girls, so i need a handy list for both!
After minutes of deep thought, I finally came up with my very own list of things not to say to an anime boy. For those of you still confused (is that all of you?), we’re not talking about a boy who likes anime, but a boy who is a character in anime. Here we go:
5. You’re cute
This applies to real life boys up to a certain point too.
Even though we mean it as a compliment, and have heard it aimed at us (girls) countless times, it seems most anime boys take this as an assault on their manliness. Or else an indication of permanent friendzone. In either case, the poor anime boys in question are more likely to recoil in depression and resentment than thank you for your kind words.
So unless you want to throw a subtle dig at the guy while retaining some plausible deniability, call him cool instead. Everybody wants to be cool. I know I prefer it to being cute for sure.
4. Notice me Senpai
Maybe this was cute and flirty at some point, but now it’s basically shorthand for I love you so much I will keep your skull in my bag at all times and polish it twice a day so it’s all nice and shiny. Wanna meet my parents? Still flirty and all but it’s just a bit… much.
Unless your anime boy happens to be super desperate, he’s probably already trying to call the cops without you noticing. Anime boys are like deer in the wild, they scare easy. You and I both know you would never ever harm him unless he didn’t love you back which is just crazy talk, why wouldn’t he love you back, you love him so much… But for that poor little dear (see what did there, I make so many typos I feel like I have to celebrate when it’s not one) you have to spell everything out.
Maybe just hold back for a bit and whip this baby out on your second date!
3. Any compliment at all
Anime boys have it rough. They simply aren’t use to positive reinforcement. You may think that saying great haircut simply means you like his haircut but you have no way of predicting how it will get interpreted.
Optimists will see that you are clearly paying attention to them and that you like what you see. You’re in love. Maybe they should cut you out of their lives to avoid leading you on. Or maybe they should roll with it. Check out your family situation, make sure it will be a successful marriage… Then again you may just be singling out the hair because everything else is subpar. Hair grows every day, the great haircut is probably already ruined…oh no!!!!
Honestly, just save everyone a lot of trouble. If you feel like complimenting an anime boy, just tell him to try his best. He’ll really appreciate it, trust me.
2. Your First Name
I’ve been on something of a name kick lately.
But honestly, saying your first name. Just like that!?! You guys probably aren’t even married yet! First the compliment now this. You hussy! How is a guy supposed to get comfortable around a woman who can just casually share that kind of info at the drop of a hat. There’s probably dozen of other guys out there who know your name by now. You may even have already told someone else today!
Sheesh, with that type of lack of discipline, we wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some guy out there that knows you *middle* name! Are middle names a thing in Japan? Do they ever mention them at all in anime? I should probably look it up…
I did: no middle names in Japan. They have all those cool alternative ways to spell names using different kanji, so they don’t need them.
1. I’m your little sister!
Thank you folks, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses!
Clearly one of my least substantial lists but this was a ton of fun to put together. Thanks again Remy for
letting me steal your idea… inspiring me.
I hope you guys also had fun with this goofy little whatever this is.