Look, I’m not insane, I know anime isn’t real. I may secretly still be holding out hope I could magically visit it, but that’s a reasonable thing to do… It is!

But you know, when you keep seeing and hearing the same thing over and over again, it sort of seeps into your subconscious and if you’re not careful, you can forget that it’s not quite based in reality. Besides, let’s face it, reality is becoming more…flexible by the day.

After years of watching anime though, I find myself consistently influenced in some **interesting** ways which can lead to variously painful degrees of disillusionment. Here are just a few of the latest ones:

anime overeating
yeah…keep smiling…

5) Overeating has no long-term effects/ gaining weight isn’t visible to the human eye

Anime characters sure have healthy appetites and amazing metabolisms. Even if we don’t consider the overeating trope, you regularly see them snacking non-stop or chowing down huge meals while remaining impossibly thin. Apparently, simply existing as a perfect bishie burns a huge amount of calories. I mean um..yeah, us bishies need to eat all the time.. cough.. cough…

As for the few shows I watched growing up that actually mentioned weight gain, Sailor Moon comes to mind, you see the characters freaking out about their weight and maybe not fitting into clothes but they look exactly the same. If you show me a still form the “fat” episode, I will not be able to tell the difference.

Let’s just say I was very disappointed to find out that at some point your metabolism just won’t let you eat your own weight in ice cream for every single meal without some effect on your waistline. This realization still stings!

anime yuri
some girls are…

4) All girls are Yuri

The nice young lady I just met is asking me about my interests and background, she probably wants to make out, right? What about my school friend that was worried about me when I broke my leg, has she always been madly in love with me? I can just grab another girl’s chest as soon as there are no men around, that’s how it works, right?

Wait what do you mean: calling the police?

Granted, this may be as much the fault of the fandoms as of anime itself, but it’s still mean to get my hopes up like that. Now I have to live with the bitter sting that the beautiful married woman who wishes me a nice day after serving me coffee in the morning might not in fact want to run away with me… sigh….

anime crazy hair
the man is an icon

3) All hair colors look good on everyone

They do NOT.

As someone who has personally tried most of them, let me tell you, natural hair colors different from your own are hard enough to pull off, but anime hair is nearly impossible. There’s a reason why the hair industry makes so much money, and most of it is on color. Getting a hue that works with your skin and eye undertones, that you can realistically upkeep and that won’t clash with half your wardrobe, is really really difficult.

Not only do you need a color that goes with your overall pigmentation, you also need to get the tone right. For instance, I look fantastic with a cool toned true red but as soon as you add a drop of orange or brown for a brick or fire engine red, it’s just awful.  Also, anime characters don’t have to worry about how those hair colors will bring out their blemishes or the dark circles under their eyes…

And let’s not forget that the fantastic vibrant blue you just got is going to last about two showers, if you’re lucky. After that, cross your fingers that it fades nicely…

Don’t do it kids…it’s not worth the trouble or the damage to your hair. Also, my hair is currently silver. Actual light silver. It was a nightmare to do but I love it. When my regrowth gets too long for me to put up with, I’m, planning on going dark charcoal grey with a touch of blue and a bright red streak, Kill la Kill style. Wish me luck!

Gon Freecs Determinator
determination is this kid’s middle name

2) People respect perseverance

Just keep trying, you will win them over. There’s nothing more admirable than never giving up, right?

I have to admit; this message is pretty widespread across media but determination above all else seems particularly important in anime characters. You know what happens when you blindly refuse to give up, change your mind or even entertain alternate view points in real life? Let’s just say respect is not the most likely outcome.

Aside from the fact that it’s just not the best way to go about anything, stubbornness is a dubious value to be instilling in impressionable minds. Except in mine but that’s because I’m right and I know I am, you have to stick to your guns if you want to get anything done, you know?

anime mullet

1) Mullets are sexy

Why you do this to me anime?


How about you? When’s the last time you cursed anime’s deceitful nature? What has the world come to that I can’t even trust my own harem anymore…


86 thoughts

  1. Ha, I lost it at mullets look good. Why is anime hair so beautiful but so impossible to recreate irl? And I also very much wish that whenever a pretty lady spoke with me, it meant she wanted to be my yuri girlfriend. Thanks a lot for giving me unrealistic expectations about life, anime! 🙂

  2. According to several people around me, number 5 would be true for me. They constantly wonder how I could eat so many burgers without gaining weight. My secret is simple, I work hard at my job.

    Never tried any other hair color. My hair is just naturally black, and it will get the occasional white hair on a full moon when i don’t transform into a werewolf. I did try to date (she kept canceling them!) a girl in my senior year of high school. My nickname for her was Oscar the Grouch. She didn’t like the nickname, so I kept calling her that to tease her.

    And mullets just no. Never. Just let that go away. No one can look good in it.

    As for things anime lied to me, highschool is filled with so many magical things, and it’s just normal sadly. Every waifu I will ever have is fake because she’s not 3D! Japanese male will gush out blood every time they see a naked woman, even if its their siblings. I asked one of my Japanese friend if this was true, and sadly, he says it’s fictitious. It actually happens to females much to my surprise.

  3. Anime also perpetuates the myth that absolutely nobody owns a swimsuit until the opportunity to go to the beach arises. I can’t imagine ALL women in Japan are that ill-prepared for such an occasion?

  4. Lol, I know I should be commenting about how talented your writing is and how you make art with words but…. the mullet one! LOLLLLZ XD

  5. hahahah! yesss lieeesss!! I have a crush on every white haired anime character, then you see a white haired human and for some weird reason it is just not. the. same. I had no idea what a Mullet was, until I showed someone how handsome a character looked with that haircut and he said “that is a mullet, look, like this one:” yep, in an instant the magic was gone.

  6. How about this: running with your arms trailing behind you helps you 1. look like a bad-ass ninja 2. run faster (by making you more streamlined or some other sciency science thing). Neither are true.

    1. Wait are we sure about that? Has there been testing done. Cause it really does look bad ass in anime…

  7. So, Kamigami no Asobi still stands out as the mullet anime? (Screenshots suggest so.)

    Also, not even in anime every haircolour looks good anyone. They must be taking personality tests at the hairdressers. Either that or anime characters have a mysterious hormone or something that affects both personality and haircolour.

    I’m fairly sure anime food is prepared with a dose of magic: it’s either the purple dish of doom, or it’s delicious – for everybody. It’s not such a stretch that it might not make fat at all.

    Also, in real life, characters who walk around with their eyes closed all the time don’t seem to be the most perceptive of all. I wonder why that is?

    1. there’s a lot of Touken Ranbu in there too…Half those boys had mullets. Seems it was super popular throughout Japanese history….

      Hm…I think the closed eye thing might actually apply here. They’d probably be considered enlightened. We’re pretty gullible in these parts.

  8. Wait…what do you mean it’s not real 😮😮 No time machines? Titans aren’t real? There are no alien armadas awaiting to take over the world? 😢😢 Wow…that just so put a downer on my weekend. I guess I’m now going to dye my hair green to make up for this…..
    (Seriously: as usual, great post Irina, really had to laugh 😂). Have a great weekend!!

  9. My hair is (mostly) silver too… Only mine is a natural process and took years to acquire… 🙂

    Actually, I’m lucky. Early gray runs down the paternal side of my family, all my brothers were salt-and-pepper in their twenties and two were pure gray/white by thirty. I didn’t get salt-and-pepper until my thirties, and even here in my fifties it’s more silvery-black than actually gray. (Or so I keep telling myself.)

  10. Oh, how I fell out laughing about the yuri dig! But doesn’t it seem that just about every pubescent girl in anime–even if she’s chasing a boy–is all hot for other girls? You are, again, right on the money!

  11. Uncommonly I will see very well done “anime” colored hair. When I do I ALWAYS complement it. It is difficult to do right. To pull it off requires dedication, a good sense of color and a good sense of fashion.

  12. Uh…
    That VR video games would ever not be cringy! That voice control would ever not be a clunky waste of time. That there exists a perfect girl who loves both anime and donuts…
    All lies! I feel so betrayed. XD

    1. I keep telling you guys there are tons of those girls. They just don’t go outdoors… Cause there are wolves there.

  13. That was a funny list. #5 was so true and I even remember an episode of Sailor Moon where Usagi has at least 8 milkshakes in passing and my sister and I were like “How did she drink all of those milkshakes and NOT get fat?”

    #4: The first thing that came to mind was Haruhi getting way too comfortable (abusive) around Mikuru.

    Some other ones I can think of that anime lies about…

    The power of love will make ANYONE stronger.

    The loser will get the girl or at least have a whole harem of them.

    People with thinner pupils in their eyes are evil.

      1. Definitely. The eye thing was a joke, but that design when it came to an anime villain’s eyes started all the way back to Osamu Tezuka. It was his artistic way of showing that a villain not seeing the light as much compared to their heroic counterparts.

  14. I have a few other anime wrongs to add to your list, as well.

    In anime, Japanese girls are sometimes genki. They also have genki foreign girls. In the real world, girls stop being genki around age 8-10 years old, and none stay genki after the puberty truck hits them. Unless they are high on something. Adult women don’t get genki without chemical assistance.

    Tsundere girls are common in anime, but I don’t think they exist in the real world. I’m pretty sure a no means no, not “secretly yes, stalk me!” This is another big anime lie.

    Anime also like to show high degrees of individuality in people in all the shows. They stand out. They aren’t the usual Children Of The Corn clones of relentless sameness because in the real world the nail that sticks up gets hammered back down. Especially in asia, and companies run by asians. An important thing to remember if you work for one. So all those alternative weirdos with fur collars and bright colors and body piercings in Bleach and Naruto are not good to copy when visiting Japan.

    I do think that there’s determination in the real world. Addicts are seriously determined people, and they work really hard to get their fix, whatever fix that may be, and fight through the pain and humiliation and effort with stubborn determination. Its probably not the kind of determination they show in anime, but the real world does have it. Just to the opposite consequence and eventual death of the determined. Its a downer.

    1. Oh yeah determination exists. I’m not sure it’s always the greatest quality one can display is what I was saying there.
      I thought genki meant energetic or healthy?

      1. Yes, Genki is energetic. I never meet women who qualify as energetic and cheerful, but kids often are.

          1. Well, you DO live in Canada. Its all Rat Race down here in the lower 48. All the women are angry, and been taught to believe they are exploited princesses and deserve all the money and love and bon-bons. It makes them ugly on the inside, and often on the outside too. Sane women marry, but lots of sad and crazy ones do too, and the misery index that results from unhappy women is overwhelming even in a state with good weather like California.

  15. Re perseverance, the latest Black Clover has been subverting that pretty hard of late, with Vetto pointing out that Asta’s faith in “things will work out if you keep at it” leaves him to make the same mistakes over and over…

  16. Such a great list to read. #1 took me by complete surprise because I never considered it once, but mullets do happen to pop up quite often, don’t they?

  17. So if you change your hair color will you update your avatar? I want to see it go kill la kill style now.

    Don’t be deceived by the by the liar of lies. Mullets are always sexy!

    1. I will! I will update my avatar whenever it no longer represents me at all….Cause I totally look like that… cough

      Clearly mullets ARE sexy. I mean it’s all right there…

  18. Generic nice guys with an unmemorable face and haircut don’t a harem of girls!

    Also, for the determination thing, I always liked the “never give up” aspect when appropriate, but a lesson I wish more anime would teach is knowing when to fold them.

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