Those of you who were around before 2020… 2020d all over us, might remember me mentioning that I take public transit to work and it’s where I do most of my writing. A long time ago I decided to stop taking my car to work for several reasons and started taking the bus instead. Unfortunately, where I live, that means a minimum of 45 minutes sitting on a bus each way, and I quickly realized that I needed to fill that time if I didn’t want to go nuts. When I started the blog, it became the perfect pastime. I quickly figured out how to type out my posts on my phone and save them for later review. And for years that’s how it was.
It’s sort of the secret to my consistency. I have to get on the bus every day, twice a day in fact. And writing posts is by far the most productive and interesting thing I can do while I’m on there. So why not.
However, it’s been a few years. In fact, I just realized that I got on the wrong bus /^;*$#’dhgdf@! Guys… I forgot which bus I was supposed to get. Great!
What was I saying? Oh yeah, I haven’t written on my phone or in public for a very long time. I had forgotten a few things. Aside from which bus to take that is.
For instance, it can be a little intimidating. Here I am, full makeup and in a suit, typing frantically on my phone. Maybe I’m fooling everyone around me into thinking I’m diligently working? No one else is doing that. People are calmly sitting, sleepily looking ahead. Some have earbuds in and are stoically listening to something, probably. No one is bobbing their head, shimmying on their seat or laughing out loud like I would be if I was listening to something. It’s still dark out so anyone reading is doing so on their phones.
But I m not. I’m hectically writing. I’ve switched from the bus to the metro now. I’ll need to take a connecting line soon. If I had gotten on the right one, it would have been a single direct line.
This post isn’t very enthralling. I’m just sharing this experience with you because it’s striking to me. It’s a big part of my blog just like you guys are. But in the past, I have written on subjects I’m passionate about. I’ve discussed series that have touched me deeply. I have written posts to vent out frustration or share pain. And I’ve done so while writing on buses.
It sort of struck me all at once that for years, I was doing this very intimate act in a way, in a completely public setting. Today I’m wearing a mask so I feel unjustifiably protected. But for years I was out in the open. Scandalous!
But I actually like this. Blogging is not an isolated experience. I figure that for most of us, putting something out on the internet means that at least a part of us hopes that somebody will read it. So there’s something fitting about writing it surrounded by people. Even though I doubt anyone here would have any interest.
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure anyone at all would be interested in such an aimless post. But there’s still catharsis in writing it.
That might be what I’m getting at. I hadn’t noticed at the time but this practice of just sitting down in the bus and letting my thoughts run free, because there’s nothing else to do, was allowing me to tap into a much freer and more spontaneous writing style. One that’s freeform and carefree but also careless and clearly aimless.
This is not the type of post I would ever be able to write sitting in my home office staring at my computer. Knowing that I could go do something else at any moment and having emails and texts coming in. Not that they don’t come in while I’m on the bus mind you. It’s just that for some reason I find them much easier to ignore. After all, I’ll just reply why I get home. There’s a clear delineation there.
I’ve missed this. Much more than I realized. It’s more meditative than my posts have been lately. And this is a state of mind that carries over well in reviews. Some of my very favourite reviews to write are my nearly nonsensical idol show reviews. And I find that I can only whip myself up into that giddy frenzy when I’m writing on the bus. Oddly isolated yet in a commune. I can’t explain it.
I don’t miss going to work though.
It’s evening now by the way. I’m on my way back. And it’s pitch black. It looked like the middle of the night when I left and it’s the middle of the night now. It’s like there’s no daytime. I’m sure you’re all relieved to know that after getting on the wrong bus, I did manage to make it to work. With a considerable detour. I still got there fairly early which would have been great if I hadn’t left my keycard at home. So I watched wistfully the empty floor as I desperately texted everyone to see if someone was around to let me in. It only took about 15 minutes thankfully. A few hours later I went up to the reception desk to pick up a visitor pass for the day. Our receptionist is quite sweet. We said hello, exchanged pleasantries. I told her I had forgotten my pass and asked I could get a visitor’s for the day. She said sure, then she said: And you are?
Now, that was just the perfect cap to the day. She knows me quite well but apparently didn’t recognize me with a mask and my new hair. To be honest, I’m not quite sure she ever really believed it was me. Part of her clearly wanted to ask for ID.
I guess somewhere along the way, I lost the required skill set to physically get to work. Fantastic.
Oh well. The receptionist did say she liked my hair. And I got to write this post. So I guess it’s a net gain!
I suspect I don’t really want to know the answer but, did you guys miss my completely rando posts? Don’t worry, there’s not going to be a ton of them. I figured we could just catch up for a bit. How have you been?