Top 5 Things Anime Lied to me About

Look, I’m not insane, I know anime isn’t real. I may secretly still be holding out hope I could magically visit it, but that’s a reasonable thing to do… It is!

But you know, when you keep seeing and hearing the same thing over and over again, it sort of seeps into your subconscious and if you’re not careful, you can forget that it’s not quite based in reality. Besides, let’s face it, reality is becoming more…flexible by the day.

After years of watching anime though, I find myself consistently influenced in some **interesting** ways which can lead to variously painful degrees of disillusionment. Here are just a few of the latest ones:

5) Overeating has no long-term effects/ gaining weight isn’t visible to the human eye

Anime characters sure have healthy appetites and amazing metabolisms. Even if we don’t consider the overeating trope, you regularly see them snacking non-stop or chowing down huge meals while remaining impossibly thin. Apparently, simply existing as a perfect bishie burns a huge amount of calories. I mean um..yeah, us bishies need to eat all the time.. cough.. cough…

As for the few shows I watched growing up that actually mentioned weight gain, Sailor Moon comes to mind, you see the characters freaking out about their weight and maybe not fitting into clothes but they look exactly the same. If you show me a still form the “fat” episode, I will not be able to tell the difference.

Let’s just say I was very disappointed to find out that at some point your metabolism just won’t let you eat your own weight in ice cream for every single meal without some effect on your waistline. This realization still stings!

4) All girls are Yuri

The nice young lady I just met is asking me about my interests and background, she probably wants to make out, right? What about my school friend that was worried about me when I broke my leg, has she always been madly in love with me? I can just grab another girl’s chest as soon as there are no men around, that’s how it works, right?

Wait what do you mean: calling the police?

Granted, this may be as much the fault of the fandoms as of anime itself, but it’s still mean to get my hopes up like that. Now I have to live with the bitter sting that the beautiful married woman who wishes me a nice day after serving me coffee in the morning might not in fact want to run away with me… sigh….

3) All hair colors look good on everyone

They do NOT.

As someone who has personally tried most of them, let me tell you, natural hair colors different from your own are hard enough to pull off, but anime hair is nearly impossible. There’s a reason why the hair industry makes so much money, and most of it is on color. Getting a hue that works with your skin and eye undertones, that you can realistically upkeep and that won’t clash with half your wardrobe, is really really difficult.

Not only do you need a color that goes with your overall pigmentation, you also need to get the tone right. For instance, I look fantastic with a cool toned true red but as soon as you add a drop of orange or brown for a brick or fire engine red, it’s just awful.  Also, anime characters don’t have to worry about how those hair colors will bring out their blemishes or the dark circles under their eyes…

And let’s not forget that the fantastic vibrant blue you just got is going to last about two showers, if you’re lucky. After that, cross your fingers that it fades nicely…

Don’t do it kids…it’s not worth the trouble or the damage to your hair. Also, my hair is currently silver. Actual light silver. It was a nightmare to do but I love it. When my regrowth gets too long for me to put up with, I’m, planning on going dark charcoal grey with a touch of blue and a bright red streak, Kill la Kill style. Wish me luck!

2) People respect perseverance

Just keep trying, you will win them over. There’s nothing more admirable than never giving up, right?

I have to admit; this message is pretty widespread across media but determination above all else seems particularly important in anime characters. You know what happens when you blindly refuse to give up, change your mind or even entertain alternate view points in real life? Let’s just say respect is not the most likely outcome.

Aside from the fact that it’s just not the best way to go about anything, stubbornness is a dubious value to be instilling in impressionable minds. Except in mine but that’s because I’m right and I know I am, you have to stick to your guns if you want to get anything done, you know?

1) Mullets are sexy

Why you do this to me anime?

WHY?????

How about you? When’s the last time you cursed anime’s deceitful nature? What has the world come to that I can’t even trust my own harem anymore…