Ahhh work! The Grind…The good Ol Rat Race. For those of you lucky enough to not have joined the job market yet, let me tell you, it has its ups and downs. No matter what, anything you HAVE to do for 8 hours a day, every day, is bound to get on your nerves from time to time. If you’re going to invest so much of your life into your career, you better choose carefully.

Thankfully, anime is here to inform this most fundamental decision and carefully guide us to the perfect choice. This seems like a perfectly reasonable way to shape your future! I wish I had thought of this when I was still in school!

So if I had to do my career path all over again, these are the jobs I would have aimed for with all my precious anime knowledge.

anime bartender

I really need to watch this someday

5) Bartender

It’s really weird that I’m not a bartender anyways, isn’t it? Seems like a natural fit. Except I’m a little clumsy and when I was younger I found bars sort of intimidating. I was wrong though. First any Isekai will teach you that being a hero or part of the party is for suckers. You’ll just get a whole lot of trouble for your efforts and it doesn’t pay. You know who makes bank though? The innkeepers who stay nice and warm and safe behind the bar.

Moreover, if there’s one thing that Hinamatsuri taught me, it’s that even a mafia ridden hole in the wall joint is safe and pleasant enough for a middle schooler to work at and excel. Sure, you’ll still have to deal with some questionable characters and space cowboys, but at least anime patrons seem a lot more respectful than the real-life types. At least that’s what I hear. I would of course have no clue what such establishments of ill repute are like in real life. Clearly, I’ve missed out though.

the uniform is nice too

4) Exorcist

Western media had led me to believe that exorcist was a terrifying and dangerous job full of demons and projectile vomiting. The sort of thing you do not do for the retirement plan, if you know what I mean. I mean you’ll get killed! Not only that but I really thought you had to be affiliated to some sort of organized religion just to get a foot in the door.

Not so! Yokai come in all different types and more than a few seem pleasant enough. I would rather deal with them than do customer service in any case! And a lot of them seem to have similar interests to mine, cough sake cough. If I had known I could meet folks like Natori or Natsume in this line of work, I would have signed up long ago.  OK, so you need to be genetically capable of seeing Yokai but I’m sure we’ll have a surgery for that soon enough.

nisekoi shrine
I have a chance of passing the entrance exams

3) Shrine Maiden

I was only vaguely aware that this was an occupation you can have. Let me tell you looking adorable in comfortable pants sounds like the job for me. Also, shrines are simultaneously extremely relaxing and comfortable places and somewhere where everything interesting happens. Best of every world!

Maybe I will need to convert to Shintoism…and find out if Shintoism is an actual word or not. But I’m willing to make that sacrifice. I also have a vague notion that sake may be involved somewhere as well. You know, so far, all my choices seem to have a theme but it’s a complete coincidence, I swear. What do you mean I need to be a maiden? What exactly are you implying???

dlohsb butler skit
have we ever seen an overweight butler?

2) Butler (not Maid)

The Remains of the Day is actually one of my favourite books – this is a fact that will surely come in handy for you….

Ok so you may think anime Butlers are simple a mildly pervy fantasy which exists to add a touch of pg rated fanservice to any anime that wants to pack in the audience that’s into that sort of thing. And you my friend are completely right. But if that’s all they were, I would have chosen maid. The costumes are way better.

Fact is Butlers are more or less anime deities who willing bind their illimited powers in servitude. No seriously. Anime Butlers can do anything at all. Sebastien may have the excuse of being a high ranking demon with all that implies but when you truly look at it, he’s pretty average in the anime Butler world.

I feel compelled to write Butler with a capital letter each time. That’s how grand anime Butlers are. I could be grand too. I could…

ound euphonium
great job!

1) Teacher

See I’ve always believe that teacher was a very admirale career path. A calling if you will. One that requires dedication, hard work, skill, patience alost manic devotion. This is a rewarding job but oy is it ever draining. Well at least that’s what I thought.

Thankfully anime was there to give me a little peek behind the curtain. Turns out 90 of teaching is sleeping in the teacher’s lounge or abandoned classrooms or anywhere you can shove the kids out of, really. And just because you happen to e dealing with children doesn’t mean you have to be delicate or even respectful. It seems my questionable thinking and dirty talking aren’t an issue after all!

Heck, if I have learned anything (cause teacher), I simply need to avoid murdering any students myself (some are probably going to die, that’s just how things go) and not get caught sexually harassing anyone and I should be employee of the month.

This is a comedic post, teachers are wonderful. Don’t sexually harass people even if you think you can do it without getting caught…

well I feel a little silly no for having wasted my life but you can learn from my mistakes. You have a wealth of anime information at your disposal so make sure you study up before choosing how you’re going to spend the rest of your life!

As for those of us for whom it’s already too late, what anime career would you embark on if you could do it all over again?

anime old dude

42 thoughts

  1. I’m already working as a teacher (well Assistant Language Teacher). There are good moments and bad moments in being a teacher (even as an Assistant Teacher). I teach in Japan though so its different teaching in a foreign country than your home country. I really enjoy teaching the kids especially the 5th and 6th graders. It’s even better when you share your culture with them while teaching. If I have to choose, though, I want to be a traveler or pick a job or career or something that let’s me travel.

  2. Sports referee? But I’d be too busy getting excited to call the fouls out sensibly…
    Shrine maiden sounds fun.
    Nah but mostly I’d be that old woman doctor person in the village who helps the hero in adventure series…. Yeah that’s me.

    1. I can handle those specialty coffees. Irish, Spanish…Canadian(?) That’s probably just a double double

  3. Being a teacher sounds difficult, but I would like to be one if I was an anime character. Or a crazy scientist that builds a super robot. I’m sure those are equal.

  4. From this list, I would totally love being a shrine maiden or a bartender! I feel like being a teacher would be also a lot of fun but only if I could be like Eikichi Onizuka. 😆

  5. Gender matters for teaching kids. It also matters if your job is to say no or not. I don’t have to say no, and the teacher is always happier when I leave because I just fixed something. The kids think its great to have an ambling bear come in, fiddle for a few minutes, and the teacher is happy again. The kids notice when the teacher is unhappy. And they sometimes start picking on them. The first graders are adorable, but the 3rd graders really like me too. 2nd and 4th like me too. I fix stuff and leave again. They say hi on the playground. Sometimes finding the right job is tricky, but it can be very rewarding. When the kids have tantrums I leave it to the teacher. That’s their job, not mine.

  6. I would have to go for mad scientist myself. Actual, physical feasability isn’t much of an issue in anime. Mad scientists tend to be employed by villains, but not always. Some even have regular morals. Only mad scientists can ponder such interesting questions as “If you make a pet out of your pantyhose, does terminating the experience count as ending a life?” (this season’s Ueno-san wa Buykyou). The mad part in mad scientist amounts to ask questions first, worry about consequences… when they come back to haunt you (and that appears to be optional, too). Some mad scientists end up saving the world, but personally I’d rather be the kind who ends up making things nobody knew they didn’t need.

    Butlers are omnipotent. Even gods tend to have a harder time. Just be sure to pick your employer wisely.

      1. Job-wise? Stein. I don’t fancy having to be on guard for secret organisations. Personality wise, I’m myself anyway.

  7. Can I be an adventurer and go on quests to defeat the dungeon bosses? That or a bounty hunter like in Bebop. It’s not glamorous but it sure looks like fun and varied work.

  8. Let me tell you something about teaching…don’t teach those under the age of 16 or over the age of 7 lol. I’ve worked with daycare up to fifth grade and I definitely had the most fun with daycare kids…but those darn 3rd graders, I quit after three months. Thankfully, I was just an assistant teacher lol and my career path is completely different.

        1. I don’t know – I showed my fondness by being very quiet at them…
          Radical change of subject – great avatar. Liar! was a really fun game.

          1. The kids I bonded with were actually the quiet ones lol. Eventually they warmed up enough that they asked me to play pretend with them with the dolls lol.

            About the liar game, omg yes! I’m playing it right now and it’s so fun lol. I just love the MC so far and I can’t wait to okay the other routes with the other MCs lol.

  9. My Mom’s a teacher right now. When I grow older, I want to be a singer & songwriter. I could help the world realize that money isn’t everything and I could express myself without feeling awkward and naive. I also want people to feel happy and understood! If I don’t become any of those, I’m aiming for author or babysitter (though babysitting would probably make me tired).

  10. If I were to be a bartender, I would not want to be the bartender from Black Lagoon. I don’t know if you’ve seen that series but he could never stay out of trouble. Every ten episodes there was a gun fight that brought his bar literally to the ground!
    Would love to be a Butler only if I was like the Butler Walter from Hellsing with endless garrots coming from my gloves.
    An exorcist sounds nice but I’m satisfied as a rapper/singer and anime blogger for now.

    1. I think magical piano wire assassin is basic anime butler training… Black Lagoon has been on my list for a while and I’m really looking forward to it actually

  11. A ninja like naruto then I could summon something massive and definitely learn how to do the rasengan and substitution jutsu, a samurai cause why not samurai are cool, adventurer not like goblin slayer adventuring but more grimgar ash or is it ok to pick up girls in dungeon? Adventuring or a hero like my hero academia I want a quirk like all for one or one that allows me to copy others quirks and keep them lol

  12. Teaching sucks. Period. If I could do it all over again, I’d skip that sad episode of my life–maybe even change my college major completely (English, btw, not Education). OK, modification: teaching sucked for me. . .the petty tyranny of Admin; the pure hatred poured forth from parents who expected you to rear their children without admonition or exposure to reality; having to watch hope die in students’ eyes as they realized that school was actually a sheltered environment compared to the real world into which they’d be tossed, unprepared–because neither Admin nor parents would allow you to actually teach them, let alone challenge them. . .truly, teaching was the most depressing job I’ve ever held.

    But, hey, that’s just me. . .

    1. Try a different kind of school. Sometimes tutoring rich kids is better. And sometimes it is the age group your’re working with. You might not have found the niche that suits you. Some of the teachers I help started in JHS age and switched to Kindergarten or 4th grade. A 3rd grade teacher is headed for 6th at the end of the year. 5-12th is all hormonal and completely different experience from K-4. Also, while the kids have temper tantrums, it is less rebellious and not hormonal at least.

  13. I am working with teachers these days. Too busy to post.
    Teachers spend much of their time frustrated by the few students with mental health issues and belong in special schools or mental hospitals rather than schools where the other 29 children are getting their educations harmed. All Children Left Behind is the reality. This means that teachers are frustrated and often near tears. They don’t show that much in anime, though the science teacher in Interviews With Monster Girls is close to reality. So is Great Teacher Onizuka. And Sweetness and Lightning. That’s another one with a teacher as a main character.

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