Ahhh work! The Grind…The good Ol Rat Race. For those of you lucky enough to not have joined the job market yet, let me tell you, it has its ups and downs. No matter what, anything you HAVE to do for 8 hours a day, every day, is bound to get on your nerves from time to time. If you’re going to invest so much of your life into your career, you better choose carefully.
Thankfully, anime is here to inform this most fundamental decision and carefully guide us to the perfect choice. This seems like a perfectly reasonable way to shape your future! I wish I had thought of this when I was still in school!
So if I had to do my career path all over again, these are the jobs I would have aimed for with all my precious anime knowledge.
It’s really weird that I’m not a bartender anyways, isn’t it? Seems like a natural fit. Except I’m a little clumsy and when I was younger I found bars sort of intimidating. I was wrong though. First any Isekai will teach you that being a hero or part of the party is for suckers. You’ll just get a whole lot of trouble for your efforts and it doesn’t pay. You know who makes bank though? The innkeepers who stay nice and warm and safe behind the bar.
Moreover, if there’s one thing that Hinamatsuri taught me, it’s that even a mafia ridden hole in the wall joint is safe and pleasant enough for a middle schooler to work at and excel. Sure, you’ll still have to deal with some questionable characters and space cowboys, but at least anime patrons seem a lot more respectful than the real-life types. At least that’s what I hear. I would of course have no clue what such establishments of ill repute are like in real life. Clearly, I’ve missed out though.
Western media had led me to believe that exorcist was a terrifying and dangerous job full of demons and projectile vomiting. The sort of thing you do not do for the retirement plan, if you know what I mean. I mean you’ll get killed! Not only that but I really thought you had to be affiliated to some sort of organized religion just to get a foot in the door.
Not so! Yokai come in all different types and more than a few seem pleasant enough. I would rather deal with them than do customer service in any case! And a lot of them seem to have similar interests to mine, cough sake cough. If I had known I could meet folks like Natori or Natsume in this line of work, I would have signed up long ago. OK, so you need to be genetically capable of seeing Yokai but I’m sure we’ll have a surgery for that soon enough.
3) Shrine Maiden
I was only vaguely aware that this was an occupation you can have. Let me tell you looking adorable in comfortable pants sounds like the job for me. Also, shrines are simultaneously extremely relaxing and comfortable places and somewhere where everything interesting happens. Best of every world!
Maybe I will need to convert to Shintoism…and find out if Shintoism is an actual word or not. But I’m willing to make that sacrifice. I also have a vague notion that sake may be involved somewhere as well. You know, so far, all my choices seem to have a theme but it’s a complete coincidence, I swear. What do you mean I need to be a maiden? What exactly are you implying???
2) Butler (not Maid)
The Remains of the Day is actually one of my favourite books – this is a fact that will surely come in handy for you….
Ok so you may think anime Butlers are simple a mildly pervy fantasy which exists to add a touch of pg rated fanservice to any anime that wants to pack in the audience that’s into that sort of thing. And you my friend are completely right. But if that’s all they were, I would have chosen maid. The costumes are way better.
Fact is Butlers are more or less anime deities who willing bind their illimited powers in servitude. No seriously. Anime Butlers can do anything at all. Sebastien may have the excuse of being a high ranking demon with all that implies but when you truly look at it, he’s pretty average in the anime Butler world.
I feel compelled to write Butler with a capital letter each time. That’s how grand anime Butlers are. I could be grand too. I could…
See I’ve always believe that teacher was a very admirale career path. A calling if you will. One that requires dedication, hard work, skill, patience alost manic devotion. This is a rewarding job but oy is it ever draining. Well at least that’s what I thought.
Thankfully anime was there to give me a little peek behind the curtain. Turns out 90 of teaching is sleeping in the teacher’s lounge or abandoned classrooms or anywhere you can shove the kids out of, really. And just because you happen to e dealing with children doesn’t mean you have to be delicate or even respectful. It seems my questionable thinking and dirty talking aren’t an issue after all!
Heck, if I have learned anything (cause teacher), I simply need to avoid murdering any students myself (some are probably going to die, that’s just how things go) and not get caught sexually harassing anyone and I should be employee of the month.
This is a comedic post, teachers are wonderful. Don’t sexually harass people even if you think you can do it without getting caught…
well I feel a little silly no for having wasted my life but you can learn from my mistakes. You have a wealth of anime information at your disposal so make sure you study up before choosing how you’re going to spend the rest of your life!
As for those of us for whom it’s already too late, what anime career would you embark on if you could do it all over again?