Hello friends,

It sounds like hyperbole doesn’t it. Some almost meaningless opening sentence inspired by YouTube culture where creators have to actively mimic conversations. No news articles ever start this way. And although it is a bit of a mindless greeting, it’s also partly sincere. Since I blog often, I have had the good fortune to get to know some of you a bit through comments and your own posts, and I do consider you friends. I hope to meet more.

anime friends
friends are the best

I was thinking about this somewhat odd dynamic the other day. For someone as deeply introverted as myself, multiple connections like this are a very special, even unique state. I enjoy it a lot. My introspection did lead me to realize something. I rarely talk to you guys about what’s happening with me.

I mean I talk about myself incessantly. I try to be open and personal in pretty much all of my posts. However, I don’t do deep emotional poems or diary entries. I don’t give you updates on my life outside the blog. I generally try not to burden you guys with health issues or emotional crisis. Although I don’t deny my inclinations I’ve also avoided being too insistent on my political leanings (these come through more in the comments section). I’ve actively avoided discussing my love life.

It’s not you guys, it’s me. I’ve always played it close to the vest. I keep myself internalized. I don’t really know why.

I’m sorry

Today, we are going to change all that. Ok well not ALL that. Almost none of that really. I just wanted to take a minute and catch up with you. Let you know how things are going on my end and all that.

Things are good. How are you?

No but really things are good! I ended last year a but out of breath. An exponential increase in work in my professional life coupled with not always reasonable self imposed expectations for my home life and a less than healthy routine had me just plain exhausted. I started noticing the effects on my blogging. I hope it didn’t come through too much.

It wasn’t so much in the posting, as writing and publishing have always been my favorite part. But I did start running out of ideas as my brain was busy with other things. The usual snarky or insulting comments where starting to wear me down in a way that had never happened before. I also found myself more irritable when reading posts (even my own) and just less motivated to interact. Sorry about that guys. I was just really tired.

le sigh

A lot of great bloggers had also left the platform or cutback a lot on posting. Then there were some people I liked that just stopped visiting my blog which bummed me out even more. I had heard some bloggers decide to cut back on visiting other blogs so they could concentrate on their own and I considered doing the same. Seems I’m not disciplined enough though and curiosity quickly drove me back. I was at a loss. I really figured the situation would get unsustainable in the long run but I was too tired to come up with any solutions.

And then, it just passed. I wish I could tell you what happened. Give you some brilliant trick you can use when you’re feeling rundown. I cut a half hour out of my sleep schedule and amped up my workouts a bit. I’m sure that had some effect. Otherwise I just felt reenergize as 2019 set in.

I found myself excited by all those half hearted plans I had made at the end of the year. Slowly, post ideas started coming to my mind again. I’m still way too busy with work but somehow, it no longer bleeds over in my personal life.

Killua Electric Nen
back to normal

Right now I am enjoying watching anime. Whether it’s the seasonal shows I’ve picked up or the older series I’m binging, I look forward to going home and indulging in them in the evening. Even shows I did not enjoy on their own merits, I am enjoying analysing what didn’t work for me and why. A renewed appreciation for both the artistry and technique of anime has rekindled my passion for the medium.

As for this blog. I think the change in my perspective is even more drastic. I haven’t had this much fun with it in a long time. Sure the same frustrations and challenges remain but they are greatly outweighed by the rewards. I am loving all the new blogs I’ve discovered while the The ones I have been following for a while feel like comfortable old friends. It’s almost like I’m seeing this world for the first time.

This is a silly useless post. If you’re still waiting for it to go somewhere, I got some bad news. This is it. We’re friends, or at least I would like us to be so I’m telling you about a rough patch I went through. I’m also trying to share the present good times for that same reason. I suspect you are a big part of what cheered me up.

And also because we’re going to be friends now! You can tell me about any rough patches as well. Or your good times! We’ll celebrate your successes together!


37 thoughts

  1. As someone who is also introvertive and shares next to nothing about themselves anywhere, I empathize! Good to know you’re doing well and that things have taken a fresh spin thanks to a small change in daily habits. I’m also doing well, though perhaps a little scatterbrained lately. Will try to keep up with your posts better in the future!

    1. I’m glad to hear things are good on your end. And always happy to see you here but of course, feel free to drop by only whenever you feel like it!

  2. Perspective is everything, isn’t it?

    I know the work that goes into any kind of writing and publishing, so I know that the effort you invest in daily posts is significant. What’s more, you don’t take the easy way out like I usually do — where I write episodic reviews, which are easy (topic-wise), you write new and unique posts. That’s _way_ harder.

    I mean, like night and day harder.

    So when you say “I also found myself more irritable when reading posts (even my own) and just less motivated to interact,” I have to reflect that from my perspective, your posts from that time period were not only interesting, but there were generating a ton of fascinating comments. Sure, there were a few negative comments, but the vast majority were commenters working through the points in your posts. The ratio of negative to positive comments was profoundly skewed to the positive.

    That borders on miraculous.

    Except that it’s not.

    It’s by design. Your writing evokes positivity. That’s an achievement.

    “And then, it just passed. I wish I could tell you what happened.”

    Storms pass. Calm returns.

    Or is it that the calm passes? And storms return?

    That’s why I need to keep a tight rein on negativity. I’ve lived long enough that’s there nothing bright that I can’t tarnish; and nothing tarnished that I can’t polish (okay, that’s hyperbolic, but I’m making a point…).

    What’s important is that you’ve come out the other side, and you know where you’re going. You have the skill and experience to push forward, and you have a supportive audience.

    I can’t imagine a more gratifying position for a writer!

    1. I know how lucky I am to have found such fantastic readers. Present company very much included.

      What a beautiful comment. I’m gonna steal that tarnish/polish line. I have to say I admire episodic reviewers very much. There’s nothing easy about analysing and reviewing a show week after week in detail, without getting repetitive or boring. I wouldn’t be able to do it without writing partners

  3. Why does a post need to go anywhere at all? If I enjoyed the trip, it doesn’t matter. We all love you as much as one can in this limited form of communication – at least a much as we can without getting creepy about it.

  4. I haven’t been in a funk but I’m also everywhere doing everything at once which I know could tire me out eventually. I was in a deep rut for a year and a half or so. When I transferred into college in 2017, I learned becoming a professor in higher education would put a financial strain on me, and I had to ask myself if I was patient and passionate enough to wait a decade plus to achieve tenure. For those of you who don’t know, most university teachers in the U.S. are adjunct (part-time), so they get no 503b (which is similar to a 401k), and no health benefits. They get paid a lot for the part time work they do get but it’s not sustainable enough to give them the salary needed to live month to month. Needless to say, I was devastated. I was confused at having to live in a world where everything is a part time job or a full time job that pays squat and undervalues it’s employees. I drank irresponsibly, recklessly. But then I had this momentous revelation. It started with learning how leaders fulfill their dreams. I watched a fantastic video by Max Joseph on YouTube called Dicks: Do you need to be one to be a successful leader? That’s when my world opened up. I started reading voraciously, conducting research on leadership and communication and personal atittudes. I read more this morning before opening up WordPress.

    Nevertheless, I’d been thinking a lot about suicide, and this was all only a little over a month ago, but I realized, and this was my revelation, that the freedom I could experience in death could be the same I experience in my life. Suddenly, I didn’t view anything as an obstacle. I realized the only obstacle was my attitude toward myself and how I projected that onto everyone and everything else. So what does my future mean for me now? I’m not the smartest or most innovative person. In fact my only skill is writing, and I’m not terribly good at that either. I’m a recently graduated English major. But I’m not in a hurry to figure out what I’m good at. I’m only on a non-stop track to doing everything I believe is meaningful to me, and finding meaning in the questionable aspects of my life which may not directly present a ready and apparent value. I regret I have never been able to keep on a regiment of consistent postings on WordPress. I want to work on realizing when I have good ideas to share with everyone, because my best ideas often seem to me the worst ideas. I worry whether I’m writing what others have written before. But the most important thing for all of us bloggers here is our voice connecting with our audiences. Our voice is unique, and as long as it’s authentic, there’s no reason to doubt our capabilities. Again, I’m still learning to live true to myself so I can exude true authenticity to others, which is what, Irina, I think you’re doing brilliantly. Your post isn’t meaningless. It’s the most meaningful thing, period. It’s terrifying fondling your way through the dark despite the brightness of your screen, which I imagine for most people is dim as fuck, lol. Will I grab bomb-ass boobs or damp-ass duds? You never know who’s reading, who cares, but there’s always someone out there who does. And I’m one boob you’ve managed to reach through darkness that is blogging.

    Never give up; never surrender
    -DJ Khaled.

    1. DJ, this is more than I could have hoped for this little post or little blog altogether. The idea of reaching someone out there is monumentous to me and you will probably never know how much I appreciated you taking your precious time to share this bit of yourself.
      I’m glad you’re doing better. (I also agree that how teachers are treated in the US and many places is a travesty. Don’t get me started on healthcare) i hope you keep getting better. All the best.

  5. Glad to hear that things are going your way again. I’m in a similar situation being dissalusioned with blogging and determining a new course of action. As to everything else i play it very close to the vest in case my students end up reading my blog.

  6. You captured EXACTLY what I’ve felt like! You started a few months ahead of me and I wish I had your determination in making posts. I don’t tell a lot of people this often, but my blogposts are ALWAYS in constant editing hell. Even when published, I restructure posts so much it ends up being something completely different.

    That’s why I stopped dailyposting a few months ago and have focused on making at least two posts a week. I hope to push it up to three. The night shift has actually helped me be more consistent with my workouts, my posts and friends. Necessity breeds enterprise and all that.

    Keep on babbling!

  7. I know that this is only sort of the point of this post, but I keep thinking about all the blogs friends that disappeared or only occasionally post maybe and it’s really shaken up the community a lot. I miss a lot of them because they’ve had some great personalities and just were generally unique.

    On a happier note, I’m glad you’ve found another wind and are just enjoying life. You are such a great example to follow 😁.

    1. I know what you mean. I miss a lot of folks. But I’m also excited to meet new bloggers!

  8. Aw this was so moving!! I am also very introverted in person, but when it comes to writing, I like to be very open. I consider you my friend. 🙂 By the way, this was not a useless or silly post at all, and you won’t “burden” your friends by telling them about the bad times or the emotional crises, either! At least, it won’t bother me. It’s nice to hear about you being happy right now though, too! I think exercise really does improve mood, that’s a factor. Anyway thanks for this post!

    1. You know what. Im going to double reply. I got a bit overwhelmed by such a warm response and I didn’t actually say what I wanted to.
      Like I mentioned, I’ve lost touch with a lot of bloggers I really liked and for a while that was rather depressing. But meeting a new friend like you just makes it all seem worth it and like the good times are coming back. So thank you for that!

      1. Yeah I might have gushed a little haha, didn’t mean to overwhelm. I’m so glad that I could help bring some happiness! And I’m happy to have you as a friend.

  9. My hunch is that for blogging keeping things close to the vest is good. No matter how friendly and cosy comments may make the place seem, it’s really out in the public, and frankly I’d rather delegate the real-life stuff to a persona: emotional honesty, but vague on details.

    But, well, I’m cautious.

    Myers-Briggs? I’m a fairly consistent INFP, with the F nearly always closing close to the 50 % mark (only once crossing over into T). This means, I’m a highly expressed IN_P, and because N often becomes M before labial/bilabial consonants, one might say I’m an imp. I approve.

    1. I was wondering where that was going. Worth the trip. Except for my ridiculously high I, everything else is in the mid 50s for me…so I guess I’m just an “I”?

  10. I also feel bad about not being as interactive. I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently, which is why I’ve been taking a break. It’s definitely good to sit down and write out your feelings from time to time.

  11. Introversion works for me, though the urge not to be so is there. I’m trying to get better at that. It;’s always good when the low times pass though, isn’t it?

    1. I didn’t mean to make my post sound like I have issues with introversion. I’m a 95% I(NTJ is the rest) so I’ve always been this way and it does not bother me at all or cause me any problems. But when I actually bother to keep up with a relationship, then I know it’s special!

        1. It’s the Myers–Briggs personality profile. It divides people up by four major traits to give you roughly a personality roadmap. you can be either I (introverted) or E (extroverted), S (sensing) or N (intuition), T (thinking) or F (feeling) and J (judgement) or P (perception)

  12. Ah yes, deep introversion. A perfect excuse to replace social interaction with heavy blogging. I know that’s where I exist right now.

    1. To be honest I’m sort of ok without the social interaction. Unfortunately I have a job that is extremely social cause that was a good idea…. But I enjoy the blog so that’s a change 😅

      1. I’d see solitude as a welcome break if I was in your situation.

        I’m actually the opposite. I was given the choice to work overnights or lose my job. So there will be days like yesterday and today where I’ll probably not interact with another human being in person.

        I don’t mind it, but if I’m not careful, two days could easily turn into two weeks…

        1. I remember when I managed to work from home and not talk to anyone outside of email for almost 6 months. It was nice. I doubt I can manage to pull it iff again but maybe 2. I wish we had a night shift…

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